In the beginning of the year I made a post on my status (whatsapp) asking people to suggest topics they would want me to blog about. There are times we want to have someone’s perspective about a topic or an issue and there are other times we want to relay the expressions or opinions of someone to better understand the situation. Whichever way you relate to, this blog is for the one who wants my perspective on this topic and I trust you will learn something.
What is Love?
Personally, this is a big question for me. I do not have the right words or phrases to coin up a unique definition. Well, perhaps we each have our understanding about what love is based on our experiences or someone’s experience. When the question of love pops up, the mind usually opens up to romantic/sexual love. True or False?
And there are others who will define love on the basis of the types of love: Agape, Eros, Phila, Storge, Ludus etc. (You can search them up in the dictionary for meaning).
One of the simple definitions of ‘love’ which I like is how my father defines it. He defines love as “Thinking of the highest good of someone”. So whether your kind of love is towards a family member, spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, friend or towards a social good, onces there is a special feeling you have towards this person, you are concerned about his or her highest good. When you love someone, you show traits of: giving, caring, forgiving, sacrificing, attentiveness, patience etc. It feels good to love and be loved. But when love hurts, what then?
Love vrs Expectations
The first theme I will touch on for today’s blog is ‘Expectations’. Truth is, not everyone reciprocates the love you show them. There are others who take your love for granted while there are others who genuinely value the love you give them. Have you found yourself in a situation where you showed love to someone and the person downplayed that love? Be it being hurt by a spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, friend, family member, boss, colleague etc, when you are hurt by someone you love, it really sucks! And dealing with the hurt can be a problem.
From personal experience, I have dealt with hurt from people, especially friends who only showed up in my life when it was convenient for them. But when I wanted them around, they were nowhere to be found. That can be really annoying! I can be that friend who will give you a listening ear, offer help when I can or stick around when no one does. However, it is funny when I find myself in a similar situation, I just can’t point out who can be there. One time I became angry and asked God,
“Why is it that I can be there for a friend when he/she needs help but when I do there’s no one!”
There was a time I started getting frustrated about a particular friend’s actions. This friend would always show up when there’s a need.
“Hi Princess could you help me with….Hi Princess when are you free….Hi Princess do remember me in prayers…”
I became fed-up with this friend at a point and I would go before God and complain,yet God will be silent and keep urging me to be there for this friend. It was annoying!
Oneday I had a conversation with a female friend and she also expressed similar frustrations of being there for friends but these friends of hers hardly reciprocate the love she showed them when it was her turn to feel that love too. We talked and talked and for the first time, I was okay about the fact that there’s also someone I could relate to. She made a statement which has been in mind till date.
“Princess, we can’t change who we are. This is how God has made us”.
That hit me hard!
Sometime later, the Holy Spirit finally gave me an answer. He told me I shouldn’t expect to be treated like the way I treated others. He clearly told me, I should not have expectations from people when I show love to them. Truth is, it was difficult to accept. With time, I had to come to terms to the fact that, once Jesus showed love to me without expecting anything, I needed to reciprocate that love. It took me awhile to live and act this way. Interestingly, I kept getting repeated experiences from some friends who only remember me when it is convenient for them.
I am glad to confidently write that, I have overcome the feelings of getting disappointed or hurt when I expect a love once shown to be reciprocated. I am growing to understand that, this is how God has made me and I have to show love even when it hurts. I no longer have expectations from people to do me good just because I did them some good. And this has really helped me too because I have learnt to set boundaries of not allowing some people to over-step their place in my life. There are genuine friends in my life though I truly appreciate them. The kind of friends who do not even have to be told, but will show up when they sense a need for their presence. Regardless, there will always and always be the friends of convenience in our lives!
Love only turns to hurt when your love is not reciprocated because you had EXPECTATIONS!. C’mon friend, live you and do you to be happy. Show love when you can but don’t allow people to cross your boundaries. You set your boundaries with love and protect your sanity. The next time you want to entertain someone’s actions to hurt you because they didn’t reciprocate your love, remember the number of times you have broken God’s heart when you did not reciprocate his love too. But God still remains your show boy of showering you with love without expectations. So why don’t you try to be like Him?
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